On this Palm Sunday, I find myself reflecting: oh crap, it's almost Easter already?!
That leads me to my second reflection: omgosh taxes are due tomorrow?!
So, today's lesson has a definite theme of feeling unprepared. Life absolutely seems to be moving faster than I am; for the past few weeks I've been adjusting constantly. I have adjusted to returning home after months of Air Force training. I have adjusted to returning to the ambiguous expectations of a "civilian job" after fifteen months of the comfortable black & white rules of military duty. I've adjusted to changed dynamics that my wife and kids established while I was away, struggling to find the place that I fit in their new normal without disrupting routines.
With all this adjusting, I haven't left much room for myself to prepare for the small things, like my spiritual awareness. I haven't taken the time to pause and consider Lent, and upcoming Easter. This leaves me feeling a bit like I'm showing up to Avengers Endgame, having not watched a single Marvel movie beforehand, and I'm trying to piece together the plot from only seeing memes (true story, this is how it would happen).
I want to have this deep, thoughtful, reflective mindset; yet I realize that I'm trying too hard to prepare.
Years ago, I bought the Passion of the Christ on DVD. It must have been 2007 or 2008... So more than ten years ago. I set it on the shelf and told myself I would watch it "when I was emotionally prepared". I wanted to have a powerful experience. I wanted to give Christ the attention and devotion that I felt He deserved. I wanted to ensure that I maximized the personal and spiritual growth that could occur during my film viewing.
And so it sat. On my shelf, waiting for that perfect "state of mind". Waiting for what I deemed a "good enough" mentality to approach the holy subject of Christ's body being sacrificed for me. Waiting for me to believe that I was prepared, for Christ.
What a dumb, human sentiment.
But it's a trap that I keep myself in, and I'm forced to realize today that I am repeating the same wrong ideal. With this broken, self-imposed law, I will never allow myself to embrace what God has, for me, in the moment.
There is no right mindset, or correct emotional state, or "good enough" form of preparedness to bring Christ to us. We simply show up, surprised that it's Palm Sunday, and shrug and ask Him to meet us where we are. We have to accept that we are prepared, because we are willing to open ourselves to Him without ever feeling ready. He can do the rest.
Remember today...
Christ will meet you, wherever you are, even if you are unprepared. Unlike the IRS.
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